Friday, July 29, 2016

Going Back to Work...

Last week I went on my first interview in a million years (yes being dramatic).  It was so strange, I wasn't nervous it was more like a hesitancy, kind of hard to explain.  Why did I go on an interview?  The twinadoes are starting all day kindergarten in little over a month which means I'll have all day without them.  Yes, I could sit around and lounge, watch tv, play with chickens, etc.... however, there is an opportunity that *might* be presenting itself to add on to Purple Pastures.  If I went back to work I would be contributing to this new adventure, and I like that idea especially since it's pretty much me spearheading it.

Unfortunately, I did not get this particular job, they gave it to a person that already had it but left for a bit and wanted to return.  Am I bummed?  Maybe a little, but I'm one of those people that believes everything happens for a reason.  I'm not meant to have that job.  There will be another one that is better for me or maybe it's just not my time to head back to the workplace, I really don't know at this point.

What I do know is my twinadoes are going to start school soon and everything will be changing.  I also know that I want to do more than sit around waiting for them to come home.  This opportunity that might happen is something I'm super excited about, and of course I'll share more if it becomes a reality.

For now I'll keep my eye out for jobs that interest me and work for my situation.  I think when I find the right one I won't feel so on the fence and I'll be more on the side of feeling more confident that it's the right time to head back to work. 

Other mothers will surely tell me I'm not alone in feeling guilty for wanting to head back, I had a little breakdown myself.  I was so conflicted that if I was excited to be working did that mean I was slighting my children.  Was I not doing my full mom job, cheating my children?  Of course I'm not, but when you've been home with them their entire lives and it's what they are used to it's hard to not feel like I'm being a bit selfish.  Thing 1 asked me what will happen if they need me during the day, will he be left at the school with nobody to come for him.  Insert crying....

How do moms make the important decision to go back to work?  How do you deal with the guilt?  Please enlighten me, someone!!!

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